I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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