Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
