spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
