I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
