Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
