kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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