It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
