btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
