Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
