Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
