You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
