I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
