im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
