Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
