I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
