Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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