batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
