Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
