Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
