I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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