if i can run in heels then i can drive
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
