the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Randomize
