Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
