You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
