Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
