My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
