how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
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