i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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