Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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