Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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