My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
