you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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