I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
