awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I'm really busy with my period
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