Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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