i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My ATM looks so different sober.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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