This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
