I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
