i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
