found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
FUCK WHALES
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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