are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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