the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
