just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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