I think my fart just growled at me.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
