well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
