the day after is always just damage control
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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