theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
