The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
