every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
