btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
