i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
