If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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