so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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