She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
